You thought no-one would ever say “Jeepers” in real life. You were wrong.

Listened In is 2ZY’s weekly air-check blog. Every week we listen to a random twenty minute sample of a station or programme in the news.

WHO      Steve and Suzy

WHAT     Big L 1 & 2

WHEN    Sunday 28 April (reviewed from Big L Listen Again)

Zany.

Zany.

1000

ID: (Over Terry & June theme) Ladies and Gentlemen, Big L International proudly presents our very own Terry and June. Steve and Sue. On Sunday.

“Smell me, go on.” It appears Steve has gone away ‘with the boys’ camping. “It was fab fun, darling.” Talks about the snoring of the lads he went with. Lots of fake laughing going on.

“If you want to text us,” (plays voiceover with text details.) “If you want to email us,” (plays voiceover with email details). “Have you missed me?,” he asks the woman that is presumably his actual, rather than just his radio, missus. “I missed you like a bad dose of … Oooh, that manly smell of camping.”

Long story about a fire alarm. Lots of IDs break it up for no reason. Please play me a tune. Oh good.

All Grown Up/The Crystals

“Then I emptied the Portaloo, all by myself,” is perhaps a less grown-up way to open a link, but that’s what Steve does. “Oh for god’s sake,” says Suzy, perhaps with the rest of us. It’s the back end of the link before, with no back-anno for the Crystals non-hit, which feels like an odd way to open a show. If by open, you mean follow a looooonnnng link and lots of confused audio devices with a tune only Crystals obsessives would remember. “I got it on video, and I’m very tempted, actually, exceptionally tempted, to put it up on, you know, YouTube. If ever you wanna know how to empty a Portaloo, I can do that now.”

SFX: News telegraph beeping.

“News Headlines,” mugs Steve.

SFX: News telegraph beeping.

“As they arrive …”

SFX: News telegraph beeping.

“Not arf, me old todder. Here she is. Herrrrre’s Suzy.”

SFX: News telegraph beeping.

“Some breaking news for our listeners in Ireland this morning, in case you’re thinking of going swimming. Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin Swimming Baths have announced they’re closing lanes seven and eight today.”

SFX: News telegraph beeping.

Steve laughs like this the funniest gag ever. Yes, really. So much so that Suzy repeats it.

“I see engineering have been in here. And I’m so pleased about that.”

“They’ve used all the ink in the biro. I’m trying to scribble things out. Look!” (because that works on the radio) “Production, can I have a biro that works, please.”

“Production said to me its that fader it runs off of, but it’s not.”

You mean there’s production here?!

It all goes quiet and Steve pretends to cry and snorts like a pig.

“So would you recommend it?,” asks Sue. “Camping?,” says Steve crashing his own ID.

ID: Radio’s very own George and Mildred, It’s Steve and Sue. (runs into a sitcom style bed, which runs out mid-link.)

He would recommend it, but “that woman who served us, how can I put this nicely, she was very upfront. I mean she was very nice, don’t get me wrong. But it’s just you know you turn – no, you wouldn’t know that unless you’re into women – but you know you turn and sort of someone’s come to serve you, and as I turned I went ‘Ooooh!’ You couldn’t help it really because it was a very outstanding woman. And that’s a nice way of putting it.”

“It’s your brother’s fault,” said Suzy, “He did go up to the bar and ask for a couple of large jugs of cider.”

Next, an anecdote about an electronic cigarette. I’ll spare you, but the punchline was ‘Menthol ones taste like a pair of soggy knickers.”

Suzy does a couple of ‘funny’ horoscopes. “Gemini, you’ll be shocked to the core to hear that a dwarf has been pick-pocketed. How anyone could stoop so low?” Then she moans about not finding a pen that works before getting into a private gag about ‘the rockabilly martian’ and Richard Ford who have apparently requested a song.

ID: What was the year?

“We’re doing what was the year this morning, darlings.”

ID What was the year?

He plays a montage of instrumental hooks. It’s well cut.

“OK, so the question being ..”

ID: What was the year?

“What was the year? You can text us.”

ID: Text Steve and Sue now on 07988 703 141

You can email us.”

ID: Email Steve and Sue now at studio@BigLRadio.co.uk

ID: Steve and Suzy, Big L, Miles of Music, Steve and Sue on Big L 1 and Big L 2

“Found a pen that works yet?

Another lame funny from an email mailout of ‘Idiot Alerts’.

ID: On Big L International, it’s Tinkerbell Suzy.

ID: You’re listening to Steve and Sue on Big L International. All round entertainment for adults and children of all ages.

Gerdundula/Status Quo.

SUMMARY

“Far-sighted advertisers are fast climbing on the Big L bandwagon because its booming boutique audience is mainly 35 plus, demographically ABC1, with sizeable disposable incomes and good levels of quality leisure time,” says Big L’s website. This boutique ABC1 audience on this occasion had the joy of an Irish gag, sniggers about the size of a woman’s breasts (tee hee), lavatorial discussion of a camping holiday and just two songs, neither of which were hits. Oh my mistake, The Crystals made #98 in the US Chart.

On the plus side, the What Was the Year? (such originality – see also use of Munsters theme as a talkover bed) was well produced, and they clearly have a chemistry about them. I am sure Steve and Sue (or Suzy, the branding seems to be in two minds) have their fans, in the way that some people probably even find The Wright Way funny. This guy seems to like them, for example. But to this pair of ears, Steve sounds like an amalgam of every presenter who tries a little too hard. Self-referential, under-selling the station, or the music. Waffly. Under-prepared.

And Sue? She sounds uncannily like Pat Coombs.

You can also read 2ZY Listened In as part of Radio Today’s eRADIO newsletter every Wednesday. To subscribe, just go to radiotoday.co.uk/eradio

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