Another week, another station that sounds like someone knows someone who heard Jack once, told them about it in the pub, and tried to recreate it without getting invoiced by Sparknet.

Listened In is 2ZY’s regular air-check blog, where we listen to a random twenty minute sample of a station or programme in the news.

WHO  Ollie and Simon in the Morning

WHAT  The New 96.2 Touch FM Coventry

WHEN  Wednesday 2 April 2014

Touching. The new Touch FM strap line.

Touching. The new Touch FM strap line.

0816 Ruby/Kaiser Chiefs

One presenter says, “The Kaiser Chiefs on the new 96.2 Touch FM and Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs helped us launch this brand new station and he took a selfie, as a lot of people did last week, and you only have a few minutes left if you did. We’ve reposted a pixellated picture of your selfie.” The other laughs. Presenter one again. “That is right. A pixellated picture!” Presenter two comes back. “It was just arduous, an arduous sentence, wasn’t it.” One, “If it’s you, you must call us now, you’ve got a hundred quid just sitting and waiting for you.” Two, “02476 011 711, we’re gonna play one last song and then that’s it, if you don’t call us within those three minutes and twenty-three seconds, the cash goes in our back pocket.”

Kids in America/Kim Wilde

Ollie or Si back annos. “Kim Wilde on the new 96.2 Touch FM. Wednesday morning. Ollie and Si here.” The other one continues “So the big cash selfie then. Every day this week, we’re posting a pixellated image of one of your selfies that you’ve been uploading. You have fifteen minutes if it’s you to call the studio this morning. We have someone on the line, we have April from Coventry, but is she, and is it her selfie? Err, what do you do April?”

April’s studying product design at uni. They have a chat about what she’s working on. There’s a bit of fake laughter going on. One of the whacky ideas April’s come up with is a pair of shoes with lasers in the toe “and if there’s any like object in the way that you don’t want to step in for example like you know something that a dog’s left behind, it lasers it out of the way, just annihilates it”.

They establish it’s definitely April in the pic, and she gets “a hundred quid in your back pocket.” The sequence finishes with “April, congratulations, stay on the line for us.” “OK, will do, thank you.”

ADS: Shell Petrol

TRAVEL: Coventry’s Eyewitness Travel. Get Travel News  when you’re out on the go with our free iPhone app. Download it today from nine six two Touch FM dot co dot uk.  “I’m Jamie Sercomb in the new 96.2 Touch FM travel centre.”

ADS: Quickskip ‘for all your waste management needs’ / Code Angel IT / Caravan Land / The Window Surgeon

Rockin’ All Over the World/Status Quo

“Status Quo, Rocking all over the World, on the new 96.2 Touch FM this morning.” “Well done to the lovely April from Coventry Uni this morning, she spotted her selfie. I can’t believe that someone from Coventry Uni was up before 8 o’clock in the morning.” Recaps mechanic, “and you can win £100 like the lovely April did this morning.”

NEWS: Chile Earthquake / London Midland train Strikes / Water Main at Siskin Drive/Sport

WEATHER: Sky Blue Weather

Scream (Funk My Life Up)/Paulo Nutini

SUMMARY

There are no rules in radio, obviously. But if there were, “Double-head male work best if there’s clear blue water between the characters,” would be one … Radcliffe & Maconie, Russ and Jono, Mayo and Kermode. Take two interchangeable same-age voices, both laid-back, cheeky-chappy, nice-enough, then never ident them individually (I’m Ollie, this is Si ..) it’s a struggle to find something tangible to engage with them as a twosome. Boy/Girl double heads maybe more of a cliché, and good luck to Touch for trying something different in the market, but straight away you’ve got delineation between the voices and an easier dynamic to latch onto.

Aside from that, the music works for a Jackalike, although feels older than the banter. News and traffic cover the bases well. Although a travel centre, however new, still makes me think of somewhere I’m going if I want to buy a bus ticket.

But the real issue for me here though is the selfie thing. As a mechanic, it’s Like-bait for Facebook. Maybe there’ll be some talkability around it (although that’s probably proportional to the sum offered, and £100 won’t buy you a lot) but what’s the on-air offer? The pixellation is laughable, so it’s pretty clear that if someone rings in, it’s them. So there’s no jeopardy there. There’s nothing to play along with on the air for a casual listener. The whole thing comes and goes without even any on-air production, tension bed etc. It’s all a bit – whatever.

Oh, and is it just me? Female contributors being described as ‘lovely’ in 2014??

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