So last time we tried to listen to Heart Cornwall after its Ofcom wrist-slap. But we were fed the wrong station down the Global pipe. So here we go again.

Listened In is 2ZY’s regular air-check blog, where we listen to a random twenty minute sample of a station or programme in the news.

victoria-leigh-500x200-1336028963-article-0

WHO   Victoria Leigh

WHAT   Heart Cornwall Drivetime

WHEN   4 February 2014, 1655

Roar/Katy Perry

“Heart Drivetime, four minutes to five, how you doing? Are you well? Are you alright? It’s me, Victoria Leigh. I hope your day’s treated you beautifully. Listen, serious stuff for just a moment, we do have an amber weather warning in place tonight for Cornwall for strong winds and crossing control at the Tamar bridge are already reporting winds of over 50 miles per hour on the bridge. I’ll bring you a full travel report in just a few moments time, but please, please, if you’re travelling tonight. do take extra care. Ahhh, dear. Be springtime soon, promise, promise, promise, promise.

Let’s bring it up to date with Who’s on Heart, if you’re just leaving work, this is where we’re at. We know who one of the celebrities is, we can tick that box. For identifying a second correctly, you’ll win a massive £20,000 – and if you can guess all three of the secret celebs, you’ll win the cash jackpot. That grows bigger every time we play the game and right now it’s at a huge £47,000. Absolutely life-changing money, if you can correctly identify these three. (CLIP) Awwww, goes quickly doesn’t it? And again? (CLIP) Wow. Your next chance to play for big money is tomorrow morning at nine with Matt and Caroline on Heart Breakfast. All the details you need at heart.co.uk. News and travel for Cornwall next.”

ADS Trago/Cornish Mutual/Weight Watchers/Paulton’s Park, Home of Peppa Pig World/Cornwall Stop Smoking Service/Trago

ID “This is Heart. With the latest news – next.”

ADS Confused

TRAVEL: Sponsor Tag. Broken down bus at Cambourne, “a horse stable blown into the road” at Peter’s Hill, Tamar Bridge winds over 50mph, and on the A30 at Penzance, a fallen tree.

1702

NEWS: Stable blown into road at St Austell. Landslip at Looe. Hole appeared on prom at Newlyn. Storms cost £4m (quadruple wrap!). “If you come across any seals, it’s best to keep a safe distance.”   Charles in Somerset. Redruth Man questioned about death. Babies called Bear Blue and Little Pixie “Find out what celebrities they belong to at heart.co.uk.” Weather. “Now you’re up to date on the station giving away big money. Who’s on heart is back from 9am tomorrow morning.”

SPONSOR TAG Weather

DONUT ID: Now, more music variety. Heart. “Good Afternoon, how are you? Welcome to Heart Drivetime with me, Victoria Leigh. In this hour, we’re going to be playing the Big Town Showdown and I’ve got music on the way from Mark Morrison but we start with Avicii.” DONUT ID: This is Heart.

Wake Me Up/Avicii

ID: This is Heart

Return of the Mac/Mark Morrison

“Mark Morrison, Return of the Mac. 11 minutes past 5. Welcome to Heart Drivetime, if you’re just joining us. Phew, weather’s getting worse, s’getting windier. Just had a call to say that at Truro Tractors, at Chacewater, there’s a tree down there as well now, it’s coned off so the road’s completely blocked. I’ll try and bring you more details as we get them. Please take care tonight, we’ve got a yellow weather warning in place, no an amber, sorry, an amber warning in place tonight for Cornwall for high winds so we’ve got, you know, severe gales, heavy scattered showers lows of 5 degrees. Please take extra care.

Shall I tell you something that’s gonna make you feel a little, perhaps a little something to cling onto of days to come, of summer, of warmth, of spring, of nice stuff? Eden Sessions have announced this afternoon their second session – and it’s Dizzee Rascal?! Man! Some people think I’m bonkers. You probably are. Brilliant. Very good. See? In June. When the weather is warm and we can wear flip flops and drink cider and put our little dresses back on again. It will be warm, I promise you. Ellie Goulding then on July 8th, and Dizzee Rascal now on June 21st at the Eden Sessions. Huzzah. Stuff that’s happening in the Summer time. It will happen. And of course, let’s not forget, the first of the things happen (sic), a Summer Masked Ball at Porthleven. 3rd May. Groove Armada. See? Everything they do sounds summery. We’ll be alright. We’ll get through. I promise you. Promise we’ll get through.

Right, comin’ up in this hour of the show, we are gonna play the Big Town Showdown. Would you like to play? Would you like to win yourself a spa day? Frankly, at this time of year, a bit of pampering .. you could do one of those thermal wrap things just to be hot and sweat, the entire time. What a novelty that would be. If you’d like to win yourself a spa day and if you’d like to represent the town or village where you live, more importantly, then you need to register. Just ten random questions as quick as you can and you could be winning yourself street prizes so if you would like to represent your gorgeous town or village, text me now, 8 21 22, just need your name and the town or village where you live.”

Counting Stars/One Republic

SUMMARY

Well. Fourteen place name mentions in 20 minutes. Heart Cornwall just got a bit more Cornish.

Victoria seems nice enough, even if occasionally you get the impression she’s being paid by the word. Look at that mammoth link off Mark Morrison. We’ve got a traffic flash, three what’s ons and a competition solicit!

Where does warm cross over into patronising for you? Do you flinch when someone on the radio insists you take extra care, when with horizontally flying trees, “horse stables” and landslides happening around you, that would clearly be the best course of action? Not to mention the pissed-off seals. Who knew not to approach them? Every day’s a school day.

Victoria’s slick into and out of the news. She even sounds genuinely interested in Who’s on Heart? Newsreader Andy makes a valiant attempt to do the same but can we just have newsreaders reading news rather than delivering web-solicits and promo reads?

That tired old audience-confusing cliché of ‘producer talking to voiceover on talkback’ idea pops up on the Smoking cessation ad, which is already annoying enough thanks to bloody Brian Blessed. Followed swiftly by a Confused dot com ad for which the punchline is about a dog shitting on the carpet. Nice.

Tunes are very Heart. As you’d expect. And I’d like to hear a little more about the real Victoria. Carrying an entire station’s localness on your shoulders leaves little enough room to be yourself, I guess. But this was one show sounding as local as it was useful.

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